Pot Trek 2
by Illogic's Lovechild Chevara
Summary: I knew no one was gonna review me, so I put up the other chapters anyway. Here goes the summary: A stressful week causes Kirk to want some pot, so he gets some from Scotty. Chapter 4 is funny but kinda nasty and crude. Lots more to come!! Stay tooned!
1. Enterprise Stress

Pot Trek 2  
by Chevara Chan *  
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Disclaimer: Guess who Star Trek belongs to?? Chevara Chan?? No way! Santa Claus?? You're getting warmer!! Paramount?? 100 CREDITS TO THE FINE ASIAN GUY IN THE GOLD SHIRT AT THE HELM!! YOU'RE THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER!!! WOO HOO!!! Lol, just a little humor, but nothing like what's to come...  
  
If you don't enjoy reading about everyone's fave starship crew getting high and doing some very risky shit, then don't read this!! You've been warned...by the way, you don't necessarily have to read the original "Pot Trek" to understand this one...as a matter of fact I suggest you shouldn't, it really sucks. Here goes the story...enjoy!  
  
(BTW, flames are used for weenie roasts in the world of Chevara...)  
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Chapter 1--Enterprise Stress  
  
Captain's Personal Log  
  
It's been a really hectic week for my crew and I. I thought we were going to have a nice, wonderful, enjoyable shore leave, on the earthlike, tropical planet, Chevara. One of my favorite planets in the galaxy. Beautiful scenery, delicious food, clubs with singing/dancing women so beautiful that even Spock, well...went into an early state of pon farr, to put it gently. But, that's not the point. We were having so much fun, until I noticed some of the men from engineering missing. About ten of them, to be exact. We formed search parties, and looked the whole planet over and over, tearing down doors and windows in our search. We finally found their red shirts and black pants in the corner of the mens bathroom of 'The Brown Paper Package', my favorite Chevaran dance club, and their naked, dead, bloody bodies in the womens bathroom, beside two extremely beautiful, dead, naked Chevaran women. One of them had long, wavy platinum hair and a creamy complexion, and the other had bright red hair and caramel skin. Visions of beauty. Stunning. If they were alive, I would have danced the night away with the two (and maybe I could've gotten some head from them).  
  
After that shock, I decided to cancel shore leave. We boarded the Enterprise and continued on with our mission. Until I found tribbles. Hoards of them. It seemed Lieutenant Uhura sneaked some of the miserable, fuzzy beasts on the ship, and did a repeat of last years travesty. The bridge was filled with them, and there were at least fifty in EVERYONE'S quarters. Even more in mine. And there Uhura was, rambling on about how tribbles were so cute, friendly, loveable, adorable, sweet, blah blah blah, some more of that past shit. So I shoved a tribble in her mouth. She almost choked on it, I wish she would've. That's what she gets for denying me a B.J. in the turbolift. The bitch. If I could've, I would've had her court-martialed for that.  
  
The rest of the tribbles, I ordered Mr. Scott to transport into space. You know, put an end to their life and wicked ways. He refused, saying it was inhumane and we should transport them to the Klingon engine room like we did last time. I didn't give a damn where they went, as long as they disappeared from my ship. As Scotty started with the beaming process, Uhura, the drama princess bitch, busted in the transporter room, screaming and crying. She threw herself on the stack of tribbles on the transporter, and stated that she wouldn't moved until we let her have her tribbles back. It took fifteen security guards to move her, and a hypo to the ass to knock her out cold. McCoy threw her in the sick bay, and we got rid of the tribbles. I was thinking about screwing her in her sleep, but decided to be an idiot and forget about it. Finally, she's back on duty, but the week and been pure stress to all of us. If only we had a solution...  
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Captain James T. Kirk pressed a button to end his log tape. He lay down on his bed and sighed. Suddenly, his eyes started to glimmer with ideas.  
  
He hit a button on the wall. "Scotty, report to my quarters immediately!!"  
  
"Aye, aye sir!!" both of the men had urgency in their voices, as Scotty dashed into Kirk's quarters in record time, a good nanosecond later.  
  
"What's a-matter, sir??" Scotty asked.  
  
"Nothing, Mr. Scotty...say, I just wanted to know, do you have any more of those marijuana cigarettes we smoked a couple months ago??" Kirk asked, smiling mischievously. 


	2. Remember The Day??

Chapter 2--Remember The Day??  
  
"Sir!! What a question!! Remember what happened when I found that horrible stuff??" Scotty asked. "I got it on Ensign Chekov!!"  
  
"But you had fun at the time, didn't you??" Kirk asked, still with a smirk on his face.  
  
"I guess, sir," Scotty replied. "I was pretty sore in the mornin', though."  
  
"So, do you have any left??" Kirk asked.  
  
"I canna let you have 'em, Cap'n," Scotty warned.  
  
"I'm the captain. And I'm ordering you to hand over the marijuana, if you have any," Kirk's tone was dead serious. "We've had a damn stressful week, I'm ready for the good times!!"  
  
"Yes, sir," Scotty sighed. "I have twelve stashed away."  
  
He went back to his quarters and returned with a silver container.  
  
"My mum's jewelry box. Gave it to me the day before I started at the Academy," Scotty reminisced as he handed the box to Kirk.  
  
"I haven't the time nor patience to go on a walk down Memory Lane with you, Mr. Scott," Kirk said. "Are they in here??"  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
Kirk flipped open the lid to see the twelve joints in all their glory.  
  
"Let's go to the bridge," Kirk smiled as he and Scotty headed out of his quarters toward the turbolift. 


	3. Come On, Bones!

Chapter 3--Come On, Bones!!  
  
Kirk and Scotty walked into the bridge with smiles on their faces.  
  
"What is it, Captain??" Uhura asked, noticing the ear-to-ear grins on the two.  
  
"Crew," Kirk captured their attention in a formal tone. "I know this week has been stressful to you..."  
  
Before he could finish, a thick Russian accent interrupted him.  
  
"Vhat's in the box, Keptin??" Chekov asked.  
  
"Remember a certain day two months ago??" Kirk asked as he walked over to Chekov and opened the lid of the box.  
  
"Marijuana..." both Chekov's and Sulu's eyes widened as their voices took on an astonished tone.  
  
"Are...are...they for us, sair??" Chekov asked.  
  
"They're for anyone who wants relief from the stress we've been facing," Kirk smiled.  
  
Everyone just sat at their posts with wide eyes.  
  
"Come on, get up, get one. They're free," Kirk walked around to each crewmember, and handed them one. When he got to Spock, he refused.  
  
"Why, Spock?? You smoked with us a couple months ago and you enjoyed it," Kirk smiled as he reached the joint out to the Vulcan.  
  
"It is true, I did become quite euphoric," Spock replied. "The week has been more stressful than past weeks, but I have kept my logic. I will pass on the marijuana."  
  
"C'mon, Mr. Spock," Uhura begged. "It won't be fun without you!!"  
  
"Captain, I suppose, in these circumstances, it would be logical if I had one," he took the cigarette from Kirk's hand.  
  
"Glad you decided to join in on the fun," Kirk put his joint in his mouth.  
  
Suddenly, the door whooshed open. Dr. McCoy walked into the bridge.  
  
"Bones, great of you to join us," Kirk put and arm around the doctor.  
  
"Jim, what do you have in your mouth??" McCoy asked.  
  
"You remember our dear friend, marijuana??" Kirk handed McCoy a joint.  
  
"I thought you said you'd never smoke it again, Jim," McCoy reminded.  
  
"You notice how hectic the week's been...we need a little spice in our lives," Kirk smirked.  
  
"I did my medical school thesis on that shit, Jim. It's dangerous," McCoy's voice was serious. "It was popular mid-20th century in the U.S."  
  
"I thought it vas a Russian inwention??" Chekov asked.  
  
"Nope," McCoy replied.  
  
"Vell, vell...."  
  
"Come on, Bones, a little never hurt anyone," Kirk kept the joint held out in McCoy's direction, until he finally just /had\ to accept it. 


	4. The Sound Of Vulcan (and something happe...

(Before we begin, this chapter is rated 'R', instead of 'PG-13', for m/f sexual stuff, implied m/m sex, use of the 'F' word and other profanities, and violence. Thank you.)  
  
Chapter 4--The Sound Of Vulcan  
  
After the phaser on low was passed around to light their pot cigarettes, they began to smoke them.  
  
"Jim, this isn't doin' anything for me," McCoy said after his first puff.  
  
"Give it time, Bones," Kirk said as Uhura dashed up to him.  
  
"Oh, Captain!! I've never felt this great!!! Ever!!" she exclaimed as she threw her arms around his neck. "Wanna dance??"  
  
"We have no music, Nyota. Or I gladly would," Kirk smiled.  
  
"Did ya say you needed music, Jimmy??" Spock asked as he took his boots off and threw them towards the helm, for some illogical reason.  
  
"It would be nice," Kirk said.  
  
Spock stuck a finger in his nose and wiggled both ears. Suddenly, "I'm A Slave 4 U", was booming from nowhere.  
  
"21st century American music is STUPID, Keptin!!" Chekov threw Spock's boot at Kirk and Uhura, who were freak dancing in a terribly nasty fashion.  
  
"Yeah!! New song, please!!" Sulu shouted as he conked Kirk in the head with a phaser.  
  
Spock wiggled his ears again, and the song changed to "Whenever, Wherever".  
  
"This is a 21st century song I can live with!!!" Sulu smiled as he ripped his shirt off and started belly dancing to the sound of "Le do le le le le, le do le le le le"  
  
"You look so hottt, Meester Sulu," Chekov said. "So hottttt."  
  
Sulu stopped dancing. Chekov kneeled down on one knee and took his hand.  
  
"I got a brand new pair of roolerskates..." he crooned. "You got a brand new keeeeyyy...."  
  
"I'm deeply touched, Mr. Russian," Sulu said and then jerked his hand away. "But I'd never hook up with a commie like you."  
  
"Vhat??" Chekov was hurt.  
  
"COMMUNIST!!! COMMUNIST!!! YOU FUCKIN' PINKO!!!" Sulu grabbed a sword from nowhere and ran around the room, trying to poke Chekov (Author's note: I loooove "The Naked Time") "DEMOCRATS ROOOLE!!!"  
  
"May I get somethin', Cap'n??" Scotty asked.  
  
"Sure," Kirk replied, breathing heavily. He was now on the floor, butt naked, getting something *near and dear* sucked by Uhura. "Ohhh, baby...harder, harder!!"  
  
She sucked harder.  
  
"That's greeeat, babe....greeeeeeeeeat," he patted her on the head.  
  
McCoy was now starting to feel the effects of the weed. He walked over to Spock, and put a hand on the side of his face.  
  
"When the fuck is your next Pon Farr, Vulcanboy??" he asked in a rapist's tone.  
  
Spock slid a hand down his pants and felt of his jade-green, hard manhood.  
  
"I think my Pon Farr is already here," Spock smiled. "Wanna go screw??"  
  
Spock picked up McCoy, and carried him to the transporter room (Author's note: Don't ask me why I put 'em in the transporter room, I just thought it'd be kinda cool to hook up in there).  
  
An hour later, Scotty came back. He'd got lost several times, due to vision impairment. He was dressed in an mini-kilt, and a plastic yellow bikini top, with a roll of 20th century toilet paper.  
  
"Soft as a lamb in April," he rubbed the toiled paper on his face. "And it was named after me, too. Scott Toilet Paper!!" (Author's note: I love the Scott commercial where they go to Scotland. I crack up every time I watch...lol)  
  
"Can I feel??" Chekov asked as he walked over to Scotty. He held the roll of paper out to the ensign, and expected him to touch it. Instead, he stuck his hand up his kilt.  
  
"Ohhh, Meester Scott, it is soft!!" Chekov said. "Can I make it hard??"  
  
"Sure, laddie," as they, too, went to the transporter room to get it on.  
  
"Aww, shit. I have no one to stab!!" Sulu threw his sword down. Suddenly, Yeoman Rand entered the bridge.  
  
"Where is everyone??" she asked, shocked and horrified, as she saw Kirk and Uhura on the floor.  
  
"Ahhh!! Someone to stab!!" Sulu charged over to Rand with his sword, and speared her like a teriyaki shrimp kabob (Author's note: I looove those!! BTW, Author's Notes make me feel important).  
  
She died. 


End file.
